


The Misadventures of Wade Wilson; Destiel Author.

by mrsgunsage



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Supernatural
Genre: Deadpool writes fanfiction, Destiel mentioned, M/M, Other, The Author Regrets Nothing, cracky as fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-06-10
Packaged: 2018-11-12 08:47:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11158362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsgunsage/pseuds/mrsgunsage
Summary: Wade is trying to explain his latest fanfiction to Blind Al





	The Misadventures of Wade Wilson; Destiel Author.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a mental picture I got slammed with after a picture challenge on my favorite Destiel group on Facebook. One of my friends posted a picture of her Pop Funkos of Dean and Cas next to a Deadpool and I just had this little scene play out in my head like a movie... so I decided to write it down and let you all experience my insanity with me. :)

The steady tick tick tickety tack of the keys had been going on forever. Well, it felt like forever anyways, and since Al couldn’t exactly see a clock to judge how long it had really been… she was going with forever.

”Wade…” the ticking of the keys never paused. Al rolled her eyes and stood up. She stretched for a moment, taking stock of which joints were and were not gonna be fucking assholes today. Right hip again… that bitch. Shrugging it off, she headed towards the kitchen and the persistently annoying keyboard clacking her roommate was creating.

She paused for a moment just outside of the kitchen doorway, taking a moment to let the sounds of Wade typing and shifting around give her a mental picture. She knew it annoyed the fuck out of him when she could walk in and pick the correct chair at the dinette without pausing no matter how many times he changed where he sat. A wry grin tugged at her wrinkled cheeks for a moment. Boy had a good heart, but he was an annoying little fucker and she took joy in pissing him off when and where she could. That was how they showed affection, after all.

Finally having her bearings, she walked in and took the seat closest to the stove without any hesitation. She could feel Wade’s irritation, though the steady tapping on his keyboard never paused.

“Boy, what in the ever living actual fuck are you doing that’s got you making that fucking racket for hours on end?”

She expected some long, rambling diatribe about his ongoing plans to kill the motherfucker that turned him into a fucked up science experiment gone wrong. A long-ass, soppy, pathetic love letter to the woman he’d left behind and pined over relentlessly was her second guess. Or knowing Wade and his pettiness he was writing to the local animal control to have that mutant guy euthanized for shitting on their lawn again, which she could totally get behind because that motherfucker was nasty.

Actually, considering this was Wade and his brain was even more scrambled than his fucked-up face after all the super drugs, it literally could have been anything from a mechanical engineering dissertation on "The Heat Transfer to a Food Product during Non-Homogeneous Cooling" to a 10,000 page document of him just typing out different words for dicks repeatedly, and Al wouldn’t be all that surprised.

The typing finally paused and she heard the rustle of fabric as he shifted in his chair. He wasn’t in his suit today, which meant he planned on being around the house and bothering her all fucking day. Fuck!  
Wade’s pleasant, tenor tone finally cut into her musings, but the one word he gave her didn’t make much sense.

“Fanfiction.”

She tilted her head a bit to the side and zeroed her useless eyes in on the sound of his voice, the habit of trying to make direct eye contact while speaking to someone having never left her. “Say what, now?”

She expected sarcasm or anger, she was used to a simple question setting him off. She never blamed the poor boy because he wasn’t right in the head. But Wade was feeling rational today apparently.

“Fanfiction, Al. It’s a story about characters from a book or comics or movies or whatever. Like, you know Star Trek, right?”

At her nod, Wade continued, “Well lots of people like to write stories about the characters from Star Trek. You can fix whatever inconsistencies you want when you write the characters for yourself! It’s kinda fucking magical, actually.”

“Wait, is this all that shit about people trying to write the Enterpise into a big gay hyperspace night club?”

A low chuckle sounded, “Some people do that, yeah. Some people just really like to expound on the relationships between specific characters.”

She snorted, “They want to write about them fucking.”

A real laugh this time, and it had been months since she’d heard Wade really laugh. “Well of course they just want to write about them fucking! That’s half the fun of it!”

She allowed a smile to cross her face, “I guess that would be half the fun of it.”

With ease of long practice she got up to make coffee. She gave the kettle a brief heft to make sure it had enough water in it and turned the burner on before leaning her hip on the counter and turning to face Wade again.

”So you writing about Kirk and Spock fucking in zero G or something?”

The chair creaked as he shifted around again, “Nah, everybody knows Kirk and Spock were fucking like crazy. I doubt I could come up with a single idea that hasn’t already been done a billion times.”

She heard the creaking and rustling that indicated Wade was getting up from his chair. When he stretched she heard every vertebrae in his spine crack and she winced in sympathy, although she knew his weird self healing would prevent that arthritis from ever really setting in. Lucky fucker.

He came up beside her and started getting mugs from the cabinet before she spoke again, “So what are you writing that’s had you so entranced all morning?”

“Destiel.”

The kettled whistled and Al’s hand reached for the burner knob before she could even process the non-word Wade just gave her. “Desti… what the fuck is that, Wade? Speak fucking English to me, boy!”

He laughed again and her heart brightened to hear it. “Destiel, Al. It’s what the cool kids call a ship name.”

She was still confused, “So, like Kirk and Spock aren’t on the Enterpise anymore? They’re on this Destiel now?”

It wasn’t an isolated laugh this time, but Wade losing his shit hysterically. She finally nudged his ankle with her foot when he showed no signs of calming down, “What the fuck is wrong with you today, boy?” 

“Oh Al, you are too precious for this world!”

She frowned, but he must have been watching her expression because he finally started to wind down. “Not a ship like a boat or a space ship, Al. A ship like a relationship. You listen to TV shows. Most of those shows have fandoms, which are basically just the people that enjoy the show. Some of those people write stories, some of them draw pictures, Fuck if I sifted far enough through youtube there are probably people recording songs about their favorite shows and characters.”

Al nodded slowly, “OK so who are you writing about?”

She grabbed the jar of instant coffee and gave the contents a quick waft under her nose to make sure Wade hadn’t switched the contents on her again, but thankfully she only smelled coffee. Getting a spoon she dumped the grounds into the mugs Wade sat in front of her and waited for him to pour the water.

His voice was muffled when he spoke again, he must be up in the cabinet getting sugar down. “You’ve listened to that show about the two brothers that fight ghosts and demons, right?”  
She shrugged, stirring the coffee up and waiting for him to come back with the sugar. “Supernatural, right? Only when I’ve watched it with you. It wasn’t really my thing.”

“Well, it’s better if you can actually see what’s happening.” The fridge door opened and was followed by the distinctive sound of him shuffling contents out of the way to reach the creamer.

“Just regular milk for me, none of that pansy bullshit you like, Wade.”

She heard him quietly huff before answering her. “I thought when you lost your eyes your other senses were supposed to get better, Al, not worse. Besides, we’re out of milk so you are welcome that I am willing to re-educate you on the miracle of French Vanilla.”

“I’m rolling my eyes at you, Wade. You just can’t see it because of my shades. Put the fucking cream in my coffee so I can sit down before this bitch hip gives out on my old ass.”

They settled at the table and she heard a few more clacks on the keyboard before her curiosity overwhelmed her.

“So what exactly are you writing about the demon killing brothers?”

He tapped his finger against the table a few times, “It’s not about the brothers. I mean, I know I’m fucked in the head, Al, but incest is just fucking disgusting. No, I’m writing about the Angel and the oldest brother. They are totally in love but the show skirts around it VERY carefully because of all the homophobic dickbags that would whine if they let one of the characters be bisexual.”

AL thought for a moment, “That angel is called Castle, right… no that’s the dude that writes crime novels and bangs a cop? But why are you writing a man that kills supernatural creatures in love with a supernatural creature? That don’t make no fucking sense, Wade.”

“Neither does your horrendous grammar Mrs. Double Fucking Negative, but nobody shits in your Cheerios about it!”

She could tell she’d hit a sore spot, so she tried a peace offering, “Why don’t you tell me what it’s about?”

“Well, of course Dean and Cas are crazy in love with each other, but dancing around it like usual. Unfortunately in the latest season finale the fucking sadist writers killed Cas off, so I decided to fix it! Instead of giving a fuck about the creepy ass half angel getting ready to eat his brother he starts screaming for God to come fix his Cas and God shows up from his inter-dimensional vacation with his sister…”

”God has a sister?” Al couldn’t keep the disbelief out of her voice. She didn’t even believe in God, but the thought of the show giving the Judeo-Christian concept she’d grown up believing in a sibling was just fucking weird.

A huff of irritation, “YES, Al. God has a sister. And he’s bisexual. And he likes to drink whiskey. You really need to catch up on this show!”

A slurp and the clicking of the mug being set back down on the table preceded the return of Wade’s voice, “Anyways. So God shows up and is PISSED it took Dean this long to realize he was in love with Cas, so he says Dean can’t have Cas back unless he is willing to leave his brother and travel through the multi-verse correcting it so all of the Deans and Castiels fall in love BEFORE the apocalypse.”

More confusion, “What the fuck is a multi-verse?”

“AL! Keep up! Infinite interconnected alternate realities. Anyways, when Dean has corrected enough of the realities to reflect the fact that Dean and Cas are supposed to be soul mates, then God will plunk him and his version of Cas down in a universe where he hadn’t been born and Castiel had never existed since his primary reason for being created never came about so they can be together forever!”

Wade’s excited rambling fell silent and Al was trying to process what she’d just heard but…

”I just don’t see it, Wade.”

“THAT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE BLIND, AL! YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING! Fuck you, that is fucking BRILLIANT and I’m gonna go read the whole story to somebody who can APPRECIATE it!”

She heard him gathering up his computer and leaving the room. Just before his bedroom door slammed she heard his voice float back through the house, “C’mon Uni. I’ll read you my story then we can have some cuddle time!”


End file.
